Hi friends. I wrote this today and thought of all of you (not that I think you’re a b*tch!) with love. I haven’t decided what to do with it yet. Hope someone who needs to read this finds it at the perfect and divine time!
Befriending Your Inner BITCH
“Everyone agrees that a bitch is always a female, dog, or otherwise. […] It is also generally agreed that a Bitch is aggressive, and therefore unfeminine (ahem).” Joreen Freeman
In the female physician world, we find that if we are not being nice 100% of the time, chances are there is a derogatory reference to being a bitch. “She’s a bitch” from staff or colleagues behind our back is just mean. But, it is more than that. Being known as a bitch in the derogatory sense can impact your career and how you are treated in the medical setting (By the way, make sure you never say that about any colleague or coworker!) I have talked to dozens of women physicians in a coaching or course setting that were dealing with the fallout from “losing it” and emoting frustration, anger, or just being “too direct”, or hear from a subordinate “you hurt my feelings”. An example: one female physician said she had to include all things sugary sweet and dripping with niceness with her nurses or she gets the “you’re a bitch” stink eye. It is so exhausting and inauthentic communication! Well, this is bullshit.
Befriending your inner bitch can be extremely empowering! Here is a list of some of the characteristics of my inner bitch:
(adapted from Jo Freeman’s BITCH Manifesto)
1) Her personality is aggressive, assertive, alive, non-conformist, strong-minded, confident, direct, driven, ambitious, thick-skinned, hard-headed, independent, driven, boisterous, and scary…to name a few.
2) Physically, she is tall and strong and moves her body freely without restraint. She is freely expressed. She takes up space in the room with her energy and bad-ass self. In fact, she’s is always up to “badassary”! She has a loud voice when she chooses to use it. She is not particularly pretty and doesn’t care. She doesn’t ascribe to looking and dressing a certain way, or even keeping her legs together or crossed. Her eyes are deep and piercing so she can see the soul of others. Bitch may or may not shave her legs.
3) Identity, beliefs, and being: She seeks her own identity and orientation to the world. Nobody defines it for her. Bitch can be who she wants, when she wants and owns her voice. She knows she is intuitive and connected to Source. She sees people and relationships as beings, not objects. Her view is that we all connected and called on to maintain compassion. She prefers to live in the moment but is glad to plan for herself. She is very good at winging it, if needed. She must be in love with her purpose and work at all times to do and be all the above.
So, our inner bitch can be called upon on at will, provided she is known and empowered. The learning to be done is to call on our inner bitch – consciously; not be used by her in reactivity. I know you dear colleague because you are me. I am no different than you. Alas, I am a really, really nice person, but when necessary, I call on my inner bitch because she can be loud, direct, and in-charge. I find this handy for running a medical team in emergencies and with misbehaving children.
Today, I will call on my inner bitch (a source of power) with pride to stand tall and confident with me.
Share your inner bitch with me!